Lucknow: of food and ruins

End of December, I Spent three exciting days at Lucknow with my sis and had such a rush of adrenalin doing simple things, as they used to be done during our growing years. Saw old, forgotten landmarks and spent a great afternoon at The Residency ruins. The cannon and bullet marks on the face of the buildings, the remnants of the red burnt brick buildings, etched the 1857 scenario before my eyes, as if I had been there in flesh and blood during the  heat and dust of that terrible summer of 1857! Buying some nibblies to munch on the lawns of the Residency proved wasteful, as the alert caretakers did not allow any eatables to be taken inside. Swacch Bharat campaign? Whatever may have been the motivation, I was impressed with the way the Residency is able to stand on its doddering feet! The Museum set up inside, was disappointing, as it has a very poor representation of history and even poorer art work! Some day, maybe the real art of Awadh will be rediscovered and restored, to be put up for public display, recapturing the lost grandeur that it obviously had back then! Kaiser Bagh baradari and Imambaras continue to fascinate, but just a drive-past had to suffice as there wasn't that much time available at our disposal.

What is Lucknow without its fine Awadhi cuisine? So beginning with Makkhan  malai after the morning walk,topped with Bun-Makkhan and chai from Sharma ji at Hazrat Gunj, Galauti  kebabs from Dastarkhan for lunch, Chaat at Royal Cafe for tea,  the high point of the day was the absolutely stunning variety of steaming hot halwas at Moti Mahal, again in Hazratgunj! Chhuarey and coconut ka halwa was my favourite, while some others in the family freaked out on Badaam ka Halwa! 

The mornings were lazy! Several cups of tea later and urging each other to get ready for the day-" pehley aap, pehley aap" -in true Lucknowi tradition, the clan would only be ready well past noon! The extremely competent cook at home, who had already treated us to deliciously flavoured mattar ke paranthe to accompany Samosas and jalebis for breakfast, was ready with Awadhi Biryani for lunch, with chicken korma! And obviously saying "no" is never an option in the Awadhi Tahzeeb! Not that I wanted to, but considering....... I  don't think I have eaten so much food in so short a period, as during this short break! 

I am sure we gained a couple of kgs of weight while sampling the delights of Lucknow! And guess what, being the peak of winters with temperatures at 8 degrees Celsius, there was no temptation to go shopping for chikankari textiles, so all the indulgences were restricted to gastronomical types. While the offspring left after the break, complaining of bulging waist lines,  I for one, am so ready for another trip to Lucknow. Ameenabad/Kaiserbagh kulfi beckons. And so does chikankari! 

Tevar- why oh why?

Tevar= bakwas!
Having got the verdict out of the way there are many WHYs related to this trash. Here goes:
Why is Boney Kapoor still making films?
Why couldn't he find a better theme for his talented son?
Why does Sonakshi Sinha/ her character choose to dance in such a hideous manner, on a disco style music, with gori phirangs wearing boots, at a temple in Mathura, that only the local goonda is attracted to her? 
Why does the SP of a big district in UP live in a gali-mohalla, without the ubiquitous 4+1 ki 24x7 guard?
Why does the SP's wife cook her own food? Whatever happened to the battery of servants/ attendants?
Why does Arjun choose to go back to Mathura, to pick up a piece of paper when he had just ridden through hell to get out of there?
Why does the duo go around sight-seeing in Agra, knowing fully well that they are being hounded by goondas? Hello, why is there no attempt to attribute a reasonable IQ to these two protagonists?
Why is Sonakshi so dumb, as to not rush for her flight and use ISD/ Skype/FT/WA to profess her love for Arjun later, once safely out of India?
Why doesn't she plan to get Arjun a Green Card through the good offices of her NRI Chachu?
Why do talented actors like Deepti Naval, Raj Babbar waste themselves on such mindless movies? Is it because they are from the 1980s and this film is oh so reminiscent of 1980s! Ugh
Why is Manoj Bajpayee so utterly despicable in the film?
Why is it always North India and the Hindi bad-lands that are picked up as the back-drop for such trashy themes?
Why is Bollywood so fixated on Holi and gulal to weave themes of lusty, grimy, bloody and unending chases, replete with primitive armoury of Kattas, Rampuris, Talwars etc.?
AND
Why did the Director not build on the one lovable sub-plot of the movie: the brother-sister relationship, so ably portrayed by the spunky sister? That stole my heart, for sure!
AND FINALLY,
WHY is Arjun Kapoor so cute?????

PS:
Why did I go to see the film? Having gone there, why did I not get up and leave when I realised what trash I was being subjected to! My mood was so bad at the demise of a perfect Saturday evening that I fought with the Food Court guy for not topping up my old card and insisting I pay for a new one! Walked out in a huff with a stunned Mausi, at the injustice of the demand- hungry and frustrated! Felt very close to Manoj Bajpayee just then .....

PK- Aliens in love

PK falls just a tiny bit short of expectations because of Raju Hirani! The same film made by any other director would have been called Excellent, but with Raju Hirani, there are always high expectations. That little irritant out of the way, about Raju Hirani and expectations, I would say PK is not a bad film. An alien, who decidedly looks like us homo-sapiens on planet Earth, lands in Mandawa, Rajasthan on a Research Project, only to be robbed of his sole possession, his remote control which would fetch him his ferry for a ride back home! The creature with big, almost-Vulcan style ears learns to survive on planet earth, buying food, getting clothes from "dancing cars" and even learning to speak! Unfortunately he can't find his remote and is led up the garden path by believers and non-believers alike to seek the help of Bhagwan for finding his remote! What follows is really a well depicted quest for God and Godliness, but the Alien finds Him not! It's the naked power of electronic media, intertwined with some telling satirical content, which provides him the solution, but for that you have to see the film! 

The film is clearly an allegory! The Alien is a new born baby, who comes to earth with nothing on his slate, (typified by the space ship landing on a barren desert) except his connection to his Maker ( the remote) and while meandering through the maze of civilization, culture, language, profession, love, religion, confusion et al, he continues his search for that missing link, that connection which he knows he will need again to return to God ! But which has been held captive by Godmen, the managers of God Inc, who prevent direct access between the Maker and His creations! It's the journey of a soul with all its manifestations, on earth, trying to make sense out of the all pervading senselessness, which allows for so much rubbish in its preoccupation with form, rather than substance! I Loved the clever imagery on Gandhi, who is relevant on a currency note but an irrelevant piece of trash, in a mindless society. The satire on police lockups, peeing in public and in numerous other small ways, makes the story flow smoothly.. 

Amir Khan is a great actor and he proves it yet again, but I wonder how he gets the wrinkle free skin at age 50! Well I know all about Botox and stuff like that, but really, it's too much! The Six pack abs and biceps bursting out of the short shirt sleeves, throw him ten-fifteen years back, age-wise. Furthermore, he does justice to his role, looking suitably alien with his gait and expressions! Anushka Sharma is not a great looker, but the long legs make up for a lost-case face, particularly after the reported lip-job! Her hideous wig contributes nothing to her appearance, although I didn't find her lacking in the acting department, and isn't that what films are all about? The Godman, Saurabh Shukla is amazingly convincing and succinctly brings out the ludicrous in the business of religion as well as the best explanation for the way things are. Sanju baba is adorable in the short cameo that he plays. 

By the way Aliens are more intelligent than Indian women and Paki men, for the latter believe that letters without specific salutation by their given names or addresses are meant for them, while the former sees through the folly of this interpretation! Hurray to Alien IQ! Hurray to Homo Sapiens, who teach an Intelligent Alien to fall in love and learn the Art of Lying. Hurray to India, for such a movie can only be made in India, without major disruptions to peace and harmony. Hurray to the message from the film: find your own connection to God, without the need for middlemen. Hurray to Bollywood.